~My own little world~

New blog site =)

2006-11-01T13:43:00.000-08:00

Due to the fact that blogspot always delete part of my post (don't know why!), I decided to try out multiply so please refer to: http://jcyy84.multiply.com for further posts =)

Burning at Burns

2006-10-24T16:40:00.000-07:00

2 down, 3 more to go!

After 7 long days from my first paper, finally had my Landlord & Tenant paper this morning! =) But the biggest challenge is still yet to come - Law of Evidence this Friday. A full year paper filled with all these technicalities and rules, it's definitely one of the hardest paper that I've taken up voluntarily >.<>

Been occupying the spaces at Burns Cal, and study is made so much more fun with so many people that you know around you! The fact of knowing you're not the only one going through this is comforting =) But of course, there is the occasional distraction of wanting to talk to people >.< destress =")

Been coming across beautiful scenery pictures in people's blogs (well, only Martin's and Esther's =P), and scenery like that always reminds me of the hotel that I've always wanted to go since I was a teenager. I hope I got the name right, it sounds a bit funny and I don't know what it means - it's Burj Al Arab in Dubai. A documentary was made about it a few years ago, and I remember I was just staring at the TV screen, going 'waaaaa...' 'waaaa...' =P

They say pictures speak louder than words:

I think the website will tell you all about it: http://www.burj-al-arab.com/

Law of Evidence is waiting for me >.<>

Strength from the inside out

2006-10-22T21:20:00.000-07:00

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving

Dear God, I thank You for...

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on Your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

I praise You for Your faithfulness, for what You’ve done in my life. Above all, I praise You for who You are, despite my circumstances. Thank You for meeting me at where I am =)

P/S: Thank you to ah ni for believing in me =) Thank you for your letter, it made a difference =) God bless you, my sista!

Security and Completeness....in Him

2006-10-17T12:25:00.000-07:00

Hehe...taking a break off study now =) Taking my thoughts off the New Zealand Health System for a while >.< Was just reading a few blogs (not a few...actually, quite a lot...that's the distraction when you connect to the internet and you use your laptop to type out your notes =P), and sort of made me think about a few things, and one of the things is completeness in God, and in Him alone.

I remember sometime ago I was having a talk with a dear friend, and we were saying how girls tend to feel complete only after they find their other half, and that they somehow think that they will only be at their best once they find a boyfriend / husband. And we were talking somewhere along the lines of seeking completeness and full security in our heavenly Father.

And I was just reading "Lies Women Believe" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. And one of the things that struck me was the lie that "God is not really enough". Quoting from the book:

"When it comes down to it, we don't believe God's word is truly sufficient to deal with our problems. Oh, it can deal with everyone else's problem; but it doesn't speak to my issues, my needs, my relationships, my situation.

Sure I need God. But I need Him plus close friends; I need Him plus good health; I need Him plus a husband; I need Him plus children; I need Him plus a job that pays enough; I need Him plus a house with a microwave, a washer / dyer, a garage and a fresh paint job.

Do you really believe that if you have God you have enough? Or are we looking to other things and people t fill the empty places of our hearts – food, shopping, friends, hobbies, vacations, our job or our family?”

I remember there was one point in my life I had to let go of something that forms part of my identity, something that sort of defines who I am for a very long time, something that “completes” me. And I suddenly lost it, I don’t know who am I supposed to be, and without that title on me, I don’t know where my foundation is. It is true that they say situations break you down so that God can build you up again, totally brand new, with a new heart and new attitude =)

And when you’re totally submitted to Him, it’s amazing how He sees your heart and that He blesses you with something that’s even heaps better! =D With Las drilling into my head everyday to put God as top priority and love Him above everything else (even though sometimes he said the right things at the wrong time – I feel like ahhhhhh!!! =P), I am really learning to find my completeness in Him, and nothing else – not boyfriend, not friends, not school work, not fame, not ministry.

Looking back, I am grateful that I was broken before, because God’s work was most evident in my life then. With that, I can truly say that I am complete and accepted in Christ. Of course, there are still times when I struggle, but Psalm 23 reminds me that “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want”. Claiming His truth everyday in my life, it’s a process, and He helps me along the way.

It’s true that I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a girlfriend, I am a friend, I am a lifegroup leader, I am a law / economics student – and all that is good, but above all else, I am God’s child, I am a Christ follower – and that is the identity that I want to hold onto more than anything else and pray that my life does reflect the love and mercy that He has shown me.

“Yet we – fallen, condemned, unworthy sinners – can stand before God clean and unashamed, acceptable in His sight. How? Because Jesus – the pure, sinless Son of God – is acceptable to Him, and we stand in Him.”

It’s been a long time that I felt such peace =) Such… overwhelmed by His presence =)

Okay enough thinking already! Need to get back into the battlefield of trying to memorise how the NZ health system works >.< All the best for studies people!! =)

5 more days to exam!

2006-10-13T20:11:00.000-07:00

Had an interesting but long day today >.< Firstly, today's weather...gosh! I almost got blown away by the wind! The wind was soooo strong, even the big tree branches fell on the floor! And also it was super duper hot!! Reminds me of Malaysia weather, which means also a good day for laundry =P Thanks to Jenn for helping me wash my duvet =)

Secondly, Las and I found a wallet (with a lot of cards in it!) on the way to lunch, and since we found no phone number in it, we decided to hand it into the police station. The first thing that came to my head when I saw the wallet was the law that I learnt in first year, about finders keepers and also how you shouldn't say "what should I do with this?" or something like that =P Can't really remember, aiks... But that was my first time entering Dunedin police station, the receptionist area was quite well presented and they have ID card access in every door beyond the receptionist area =P So the lady took down Las' details, and off we go to lunch!~ So that was my first experience with lost and found property, thought it reminded me a lot of the pendidikan moral that we used to learn back home =)

Thirdly, in the afternoon, had my last tutorial for the year - it was suppoed to start at 3 p.m. but by 3 p.m. no one showed up yet (which is quite understanable considering it's the last day of the semester =P), and then a girl showed up so ended up having tuition with her one on one, and after that another guy showed up. So that was my record-breaking 2-student tuition session! =) But it was good getting to know them beyond just the tutor-student conversation =P

With exams creeping up on me, stress level was up the roof for the past few days, but a letter from a friend yesterday kind of changed the whole perspective of things for me. So need God to recharge me at the end of the day for the next 2 weeks, energy level seems to be running out so quickly these days - might be the age factor, getting old each day *sigh*... =P

Okie, better get back to study now!! Mum always prints out my blog entries so that dad can read at night before he goes to sleep (it's his bedtime reading =P), so good night daddy! =)

Something that I'm holding onto these days: "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God" - Ephesians 3:17-19

Photos

2006-10-12T12:33:00.000-07:00

Could only find these two photos for the night that I took >.<>

With the performers and backstage people =)

Me and Las after the performances =)

Happy Mooncake Festival

2006-10-09T12:20:00.000-07:00

Finally! *phew* A heavy burden is lifted off my shoulder =) It was a HUGE deal for me to accept the privilege to MC in the Mooncake Festival organised by the Otago Chinese Culture Association. It was HUGE because firstly, I have to MC in Mandarin (a language that I've not spoken properly for about 5 years) and I have to do this in front of a lecture theatre of 500 people >.< I was stressed, stressed, stressed... I knew I will be nervous about it, but I still took it on after considering for 2 weeks (mum thought I could do it =P)

So spent quite a few days and nights doing research on the internet about lion dance, mooncake festival, traditional instruments, stories, myths, traditions of the Chinese culture. It's funny how they decided to use two Malaysians (well, Chewy is not even really Malaysian! =P) who don't know anything about the Chinese culture to be MCs for the night >.<>.<

But I have to say I really enjoyed the night =) Started off with fashion show, and all I can think of is what will happen if I tripped over my Cheong Sam and fell over =P But the cheers from the homegroup crowd really helped me to calm down a lot, let me know that I am not in unknown territories (have to understand that I've been involved with church activities so much that I am like a total stranger in any other activities >.< night =")">.<

Have to express my heartfelt gratitude to a few people who have helped me along the way:

Alastair's mum - for helping me with translation; thank you for the hours that you've put in to guide me into better vocab and grammar of the chinese language =)
Chewy – huni buni helped me a lot in calming my nerves, encouraging me, and also praying with me before the night starts =) Thank you for making a fool of yourself on stage, just to ease the tension and awkwardness =P It was so much fun MC-ing with you! =)
Jenny - for helping me with make up and hair do - thanks to your wonderful artwork that make me presentable on stage =) I really enjoyed the make up session! You took away a big chunk of my stress when you agreed to take care of my make up and hair do =)
Wan Ing - for lending me the gorgeous baby pink ball dress that I wore that night, lots of 'Where did you get that dress from?' comments *wink*, and I say 'All credit goes to my friend!'
Gina - for lending me the Cheong Sam that will match Chewy's chinese top =) It was red, and I thought it made me and Chewy look like a very matching MC pair! =) A lot of good comments for the Cheong Sam as well! =)
Homegroup people and friends in the crowd - you guys were sooo awesome, so touched by the support that you show by turning up, I know it's so near to exam time already, and yet you still came =) Thank you!!! Thanks for your cheers, support and the laughs, they really really meant a lot =)
Friends and lifegroup members who sent texts and gave encouragement all the way =)
Las (aka ‘Ali F’ – apparently this is what he is called by his friends before, don’t u just learn something new everyday =P) – thanks for putting up with my screams when I can’t get the Chinese words right and my stress for the past few weeks, hehe… and also my forgetfulness which makes me even more stressed =P
OCCA – thanks for having me!! =) Keep up the good job, you all rock!!~~

It was quite a full-on weekend, with lifegroup and church straight after that >.< But now back to studies!! Final exam has caught up on me this year so suddenly, without me even realising it – really need to pull my socks up and get started now! =) One more week till exams, we all can do it!

P/S: I didn't bring a camera that night, but will post up some pics after I get some from Reiko or if anyone has pictures, can pass them to me? =D Thanks!!

Happy Mooncake Festival

2006-10-09T11:12:00.003-07:00

So spent quite a few days and nights doing research on the internet about lion dance, mooncake festival, traditional instruments, stories, myths, traditions of the Chinese culture. It's funny how they decided to use two Malaysians (well, Chewy is not even really Malaysian! =P) who don't know anything about the Chinese culture to be MCs for the night >.< And have to make cue cards, and coordinate everything with Chewy a few times so that he knows what I'm talking about etc etc. I think the days of preparation made me was stressful enough to form one huge pimple on my left cheek just the day before the night! >.<

But I have to say I really enjoyed the night =) Started off with fashion show, and all I can think of is what will happen if I tripped over my Cheong Sam and fell over =P But the cheers from the homegroup crowd really helped me to calm down a lot, let me know that I am not in unknown territories (have to understand that I've been involved with church activities so much that I am like a total stranger in any other activities >.< night =")">.<

Have to express my heartfelt gratitude to a few people who have helped me along the way:

Alastair's mum - for helping me with translation; thank you for the hours that you've put in to guide me into better vocab and grammar of the chinese language =)
Chewy – huni buni helped me a lot in calming my nerves, encouraging me, and also praying with me before the night starts =) Thank you for making a fool of yourself on stage, just to ease the tension and awkwardness =P It was so much fun MC-ing with you! =)
Jenny - for helping me with make up and hair do - thanks to your wonderful artwork that make me presentable on stage =) I really enjoyed the make up session! You took away a big chunk of my stress when you agreed to take care of my make up and hair do =)
Wan Ing - for lending me the gorgeous baby pink ball dress that I wore that night, lots of 'Where did you get that dress from?' comments *wink*, and I say 'All credit goes to my friend!'
Gina - for lending me the Cheong Sam that will match Chewy's chinese top =) It was red, and I thought it made me and Chewy look like a very matching MC pair! =) A lot of good comments for the Cheong Sam as well! =)
Homegroup people and friends in the crowd - you guys were sooo awesome, so touched by the support that you show by turning up, I know it's so near to exam time already, and yet you still came =) Thank you!!! Thanks for your cheers, support and the laughs, they really really meant a lot =)
Friends and lifegroup members who sent texts and gave encouragement all the way =)
Las (aka ‘Ali F’ – apparently this is what he is called by his friends before, don’t u just learn something new everyday =P) – thanks for putting up with my screams when I can’t get the Chinese words right and my stress for the past few weeks, hehe… and also my forgetfulness which makes me even more stressed =P
OCCA – thanks for having me!! =) Keep up the good job, you all rock!!~~

It was quite a full-on weekend, with lifegroup and church straight after that >.<>

P/S: I didn't bring a camera that night, but will post up some pics after I get some from Reiko or if anyone has pictures, can pass them to me? =D Thanks!!

Taming the Tiger by Tony Anthony

2006-10-02T16:39:00.000-07:00

I had my 'Ministry Team' badge on, and I was crying my eyes out when we were all going up to the choral room for briefing on the decision that almost 50 people have made that night. Felt so bad that I am supposed to be there counselling people, and here I am trying to control my emotions >.<

It was one of the most amazing nights that I've ever experienced. Worship was awesome, declaring God's glory and His goodness together, united in one heart, was just... amazing. Heard so much about this man, finished his book within a week, and when he walked up the stage, I almost cried (again!) because there stood a man whose testimony has touched my heart and left me even more amazed at God's grace and mercy.

Never have I seen a man so humble, he breezed through his background of Kung Fu training and spent a big chunk of the night giving glory to God and what He has done in his life. During altar call, people responded and they went up and he said that even if it had only been one person, it would've been worth it. How true was that! To travel halfway around the world, and just proclaim the gospel, and trusting fully in God to handle the rest and touch hearts, that was a really humbling experience for me.

To see him standing there, knowing what he has been through - it just convinces me even more that God can change one person inside out, and He can use every single one of us, and He is a God of second chances. No matter what we've done, and no matter where we've been, He can still use us. As someone once said, God doesn't make junk.

Reading at the moment: "Just Walk Across the Room" by Bill Hybels (on personal evangelism - one that will not only get you thinking, but get you start acting as well!)

Stomach cramp

2006-10-02T14:29:00.000-07:00

Ahh!! God, please make the 2 panadols work...

Thanks Esther, lunch was goooood! (even though it was a bit short =P) Stay cute! =D

I don't want to walk to Cargill Street =( Cramp cramp cramp >.<

"May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with us all" - 2 Corinthians 13:14

2 Corinthians 6:3-10

2006-09-27T16:30:00.000-07:00

As servants of God, we commend ourselves in everyway:

In great endurance
In troubles, hardships and distresses
In beatings, imprisonments and riots
In hard work, sleepless nights and hunger
In purity, understanding, patience and kindness
In the Holy Spirit and in sincere love
In truthful speech and in the power of God
With weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left
Through glory and dishonour, bad report and good report;
genuine, yet regarded as impostors;
known yet regarded as unknown;
dying and yet we live on;
beaten and yet not killed;
sorrowful, yet always rejoicing;
poor, yet making many rich;
having nothing and yet possessing everything...

Laughter and Philadelphia cream cheese =)

2006-09-25T16:03:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since the last time that I've laughed so much >.< After being in a room filled with girls and boys who can laugh at almost everything, it can be pretty much guaranteed that you're going to sore jaw after that =P Well, I was telling Las after that "Just now reminded me of 2nd year...I've never laughed so much!" And he said "Yeah...it's been a while isn't it?"

Thank you to all of you who made that night memorable for the both of us =) It's really been a while =P And thank you for eating the cheese that I bought =P Haha...

Looking forward to this Saturday!!

P/S: Guys, please stay away from Esther!! >.< Either that, or be very careful...or else... suffer the consequence of being embarassed! =P Love you ji!!! =D

Man of God

2006-09-25T15:37:00.000-07:00

I remember that morning at Encounter Camp when Pastor Mike asked every single male inside the house to step up, and he laid his hands on each and every single of them, calling them to be the man that God has called them to be, and quoting him "We need more men in church, not boys". That thought has stuck inside my head since then. I am surrounded by lots of male leaders (in fact, our team consists of more male than females =D which is good thing, I think =P), and each and everyone of them has their own special gifts, and each one of them is determined to unleash the potential that God has put within them, and be the man.

And I was wondering after that, what does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to be a man of God? Interesting isn't it, all this while I've been reading what it means to be a woman of God, what roles do women play etc etc. And I came across this poem on a website, and thought I want to share with all of you:

"The strength of a man isn't in the deep tone of his voice,
It's in the gentle words he whispers;
The strength of a man isn't how many buddies he has,
It's how good a buddy he is with his kids;
The strength of a man isn't in how respected he is at work,
It's in how respected he is at home;
The strength of a man isn't in the weight he can lift,
It's in the burdens he can carry."

To sum it up, personally for me, the strength of a man lies in his character. And I believe that one's character shows through the most during tough and testing times. I pray that God will continue to raise up the men in church, and that the women will be the helper who come alongside and give all the support that we can. I believe in the vision, and I believe that we'll get there someday.

To the men of God in my life, you all ROCK! =) Keep running, and persevering! =)

The Rose

2006-09-16T14:13:00.000-07:00

Decided to take a break from everything today, and just do nothing =P Came across the lyrics of this song that I copied down in my journal when I was in Japan (back in 2000), and just want to share it with all of you, my heart melts at the beauty of it =)

The Rose

Some say love it is a river
That drowns the tender reed;
Some say love it is a razor,
That leaves your soul to bleed;
Some say love it is a hunger,
An endless aching need;
I say love it is a flower,
And you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance,
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance,
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give,
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely,
And the road has been too long,
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong;
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows,
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose.

Hope you like it =)

It's been a while...

2006-09-14T12:39:00.000-07:00

Just realised that it's been a while since I last blogged - life probably has been not-so-interesting, hence the lack of ideas of what to write =P

The past few weeks have been full of "drama" (which reminds me of one of my beloved Vivos girl who told me once that her life is full of "drama" and I was just wondering that mine was quite peaceful =P), probably "drama" is not the right word for my situations, "challenges" might fit better =) I was just telling Las that how come we never have one week of peace? One week of just everything being normal? >.< But I have to agree that through all these, we learn - not just strengthening ourselves, but softening our hearts to listen to His voice and seek His guidance and wisdom through all these.

On the up side, the weather today is goooood! =) It's been a while that the sun shines and the wind finally stops =P During days like these, you can't help but thank God for planting where you are. Being in Dunedin is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. You know how it's famous for its horrible cold weather? But I think the people warmed up the place so much that it literally turned the situation the other way around =)

Looking at my friends deciding where they're going to go after they graduate end of this year, seeing them go through the process of praying, seeking God, and looking for guidance and directions - makes me wonder, where am I going after I graduate? Time really does zoom by, and before you know it, it'll be my turn soon! On one hand, I can't wait to gain new experiences and just start afresh in somewhere totally new; but on the other, Elim is my home church, and this is the place where I have found God and found all these amazing people that have helped me and nourished my life =) I guess I should start praying now, give me one year to think =P

Suddenly miss mum's cooking a lot... >.< - that was random =P Okay, now I am homesick >.<

Hi mum, hi dad!!! =) *waves* My parents are one of the greatest people I know in my life =D They are so different, and yet, they complement each other so well. Mum is always worried about us (may it be whether we have enough to eat, or whether our flat is warm enough or most importantly, being a nurse, she is most worried when we have flu or cough =P) and constantly watching out for her precious 3 daughters =P

Dad has taught me about life through unspoken words, through his actions and his experiences =) He is worry-free, couldn’t care less about most things, and makes fun almost about everything. Whenever we’re on the phone, he asks the funniest question (something that happened recently – he asked whether we’ve changed the bulbs in the living room, coz it’s energy-saving and they’ll dim after some time >.< I mean… of all things, the bulbs in the living room? =P). Beneath all that, he is the wisest man that I’ve ever know =)

God has blessed me with mum and dad, and I love them to bits! =) They have shown me what it takes to be a parent, one that influences the children to be a better person and with a bigger heart. My life today is all a clear reflection of the love that I’ve learned from you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart… God bless you today, and the many years to come =)

Found something interesting on the web:

F.A.M.I.L.Y = Father and Mother, I Love You

Have you told your parents how much you love them lately? =)

Armor of God

2006-08-28T00:39:00.000-07:00

Sunday’s morning sermon was AMAZING, Ps Mike preached about the armor of God, have heard so many teachings on this before, but never have I felt so challenged by what God has to say through him. It was so timely and so right on the spot! There are two things that hit me the most:

Belt of truth

He said we need to have the truth engraved inside us because one of the forms of attacks by the devil is through lies. And that got me thinking about what is the truth for me? What do I believe 100% in and that doesn’t change over time?

The topic of evolution v creation has come up a few times over the past few weeks, and I was just pondering about where I stand in this matter. I have to plead ignorance in this because I am not someone you would consider as intellectual, I always try to stay away from arguing about stuff (wonder why I am studying law >.<), but I also believe that there are some matters that I need to know where I stand.

At this point in time, the theory of evolution is not proven to 100% (but the evidence is pretty convincing), and there are so many things going against the theory of creation that it might not be 100% true as well. So we’ve got a choice, which one do you believe? Which one is your truth?

For me (stressing that this is my personal opinion =P), people will come up with hundreds of theory in the future to disprove evolution and there will come a point where another theory will sound more appealing than evolution. So is evolution the truth for you now? And something else is the truth for you in 10 years’ time? And something else in 20 years’ time?

For me, the truth should survive the test of time, should be consistent, and should not change over time. And I believe that truth for me is the word of God. The evidence / facts / my head knowledge (or interpretations skills acquired from my legal studies =P) may sometimes tell me otherwise, but that’s when faith comes in. I shall have the shield and not doubt, because ‘he who doubts is like a wave of sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord, he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does’ (James 1:6-7).

So what is the truth that you will hold until the very end of time?

Breastplate of righteousness

We need to be with right standing with God and with other people, it’s a breastplate because these relationships are the matters of the heart. And that spoke to me because I know that sometimes when I get hurt by what other people say or do, my first defence is to build up walls around me, so that I don’t have to be vulnerable and take the risk of being hurt again.

But it says in 1 Cor 6:7: ‘Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?’ There are times when we need to follow Matthew 18:15-17 in terms of solving conflicts, but there are times too when we are called to be the ones with bigger hearts to accommodate others even when we think we are right. Because I know that when I am not in right standing with other people, God searches my heart, and I will not be in right standing with Him.

Like Ps Mike said, we know the scripture so well – ‘our battle is not against flesh and blood’ – and yet we don’t realize it. Most of the times, the battle will seem to be against flesh and blood. So very often, we pray against spiritual attacks, as if the devil does not work in the natural realm, and we continue to sulk in our many conflicts within the team of people we work with. Even though the attacks are subtle, the battle is very real.

“Only in a world where faith is difficult, can faith exist” – Case for Faith

Pictures!

2006-08-21T00:25:00.000-07:00

Just realised that I haven't been posting pictures in my blog, so thought since I just practised my photo-taking skills (of course, can't compare to Ben's =P), might as well put up the photos =P

~ my first corsage~

~what I study~

~what he studies~

~ during study tonight - the man who always watches my back, takes care of me, teaches me about God, people and life - thank you for loving me =) ~

I should take more photos next time =P

Sleeping time now, will blog soon!!~

Of eggs, apples and rubber balls...

2006-08-09T22:46:00.000-07:00

There are a few people other than my parents that I looked up to in my life. I look up to them not because they make me feel good, or that they say the nicest words and hang with the right crowd. I look up to these people because of their love for God, their compassion for people, their heart for serving, and their persevering spirit.

And not many things can bring tears to my eyes (well, not in public anyway =P), and one thing I know that will is: watching a video of people doing Life together, and seeing them loving one another (not based on emotions, but on commitment).

And yesterday's prayer meeting was another testimony of why I look up to Uncle Then and Auntie Hilda, the two very important people in my Christian walk, for words of wisdom and guidance. Tears welled up in my eyes during prayer meeting, and I have no idea why. Uncle and Auntie were just sharing about unity of the group, and how God's blessings will flow when the leaders are united in hearts.

Auntie shared a few pictures that she got when we were praying; first, it was a picture of eggs. Then it was a picture of apples, followed by picture of rubber balls. She said that eggs crush easily when put together (hence we have the egg tray =P), apples are better but they still get bruised if you don't handle them carefully. Rubber balls, on the other hand, can be piled up together; they will bounce back when tested without anyone of them getting squashed.

Auntie said we always have a choice of what we want to be - eggs, apples or rubber balls. Although the picture was very simple, it does something to me. Looking back, I can say now, that the thing that melts my heart, that hits the very core of my being, is seeing the unity of a group. And I've got uncle and auntie to thank for bringing that to light yesterday night =)

When I see a group of people, committed to do God’s will, united in heart and mind, to expand His kingdom and serve His people in love - no matter how bad things are in life, or how low I feel, seeing that just makes everything seems so much more meaningful.

It just takes a moment to step out from the busyness of life, look up to Him, and look around you, and realise what makes your heart beat. I believe that’s when you realise what’s the point in life. In the end, it all boils down to our Dad, the Almighty God.

It is my heart’s desire to see the Acts 2 church coming to life in every corner of every city – and see this desire being planted in heart of every leader =)

A personal note:

To you who dropped off the gift at my door yesterday night, you brightened our day =) I thought it was Jennifer coming back, but when Las went to open the door, he found the box of chocolate wrapped up so nicely from you =) We don’t know who you are (though we tried to figure out =P), but thank you from the bottom of our hearts =) WE FEEL SO WARM AND FUZZY, AND LOVED!!! =D

Outreach Night

2006-08-03T17:43:00.000-07:00

The DATE is 12th August 2006
The TIME is 7:00 p.m.
The PLACE is Elim Christian Centre
The EVENT is What's the Point?

9 more days till the night that we've all been preparing for...
9 more daily meetings to pray for friends and family and the city of Dunedin to come...
9 more days to perfect every little detail from skits to music, from food to lightings...

9 more days and we’ll see...

All 500 seats in the auditorium filled with people from all over the world...
The outpouring of His Holy Spirit in that room...
His love being felt, His Word being planted in the hearts of every single one…

Heavenly Father, we prepare our hearts, we prepare our minds, we wait in longing for You to transform the lives of people in the auditorium that night.

We know You will show up and You will exceed our expectations…we await for the unexpected.

What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see - Hebrews 11:1 (NLT)

1 Corinthians 13 for Leaders

2006-07-27T00:07:00.000-07:00

Leaders and leaders-to-be, I pray that this inspires you to the very core of your being:

If I cast vision with the tongues of men and angels,
But lead without the love of God at my core,
I am ringing cell phone or worse, a clamoring vacuous corporate type.

If I have the gift of leadership and can provide direction, build teams and set goals,
But fail to exhibit Christ-like kindness or give Christ the credit for my accomplishments,
In the eyes of God, all my achievements count for nothing.

If I give my salary to the poor, my reserved parking space in the church lot for a summer intern,
But neglect to relate and work in a manner worthy of the one whose name I bear,
In the final analysis, it all counts for precisely nothing.

A close, humble walk with Christ never fails. It strengthens the heart, redirects the will, restrains the ego, and purifies the motives.

It never fails.

When I was a young leader, independent and too busy to pray,
I blew stuff up and wounded every third person I led.
But now that I am mature and have left my childish ways…I do that somewhat less!

And now these three remain:
The faith to follow God boldly,
The hope to press on even when my heart is breaking,
And the love to enrich the hearts of all those I lead.

But the greatest of these is love – the love that only comes from a quiet, close, daily walk with Christ.

- Bill Hybels in Courageous Leadership-

THE Sixth Sense

2006-07-26T12:46:00.000-07:00

I always call it woman's intuition. God gave me a very sensitive radar to certain things happening around me, and it scares me most when it's accurate (of course there are times when I'm totally off tangents =P but I am usually on the right track). I can suddenly thought of a person, and I will pray for God to put a hedge of protection around them, and keep them close to Him. And sometimes I can think of someone (who might not be in my circle of friends) and I think they need a word of encouragement, so usually send them a card and some chocolates, and I'll get a reply saying that it came at a right time.

And recently, I suddenly asked Las whether so-and-so is facing such-and-such, and he was like 'why do you ask?' and I said 'well, just asking, coz I suddenly thought of him/her and wondering whether (s)he is okay'... and then he said 'you can go and ask yourself'. But from his reactions, I can probably infer that I was probably right =P

I am sure that everyone of us has this sixth sense to some degree, some of us being more sensitive than others. But I am convinced from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet that all this while, it was the Holy Spirit promptings that opened my eyes to 'see' what's going on in this 4th (?) dimension.

There are times when I forgot to act on what God asks me to do, and I will realise that I missed an opportunity and somebody else has done it (which is a good thing for that person, but I missed out on the joy of giving /serving). I am still learning to be obedient to the things that He asked me to do, and I know it'll be a lifelong (but everyday) process.

I was prophesied once by a pastor to have the gift of prophecy (actually it was Alastair that reminded me of this, coz I am so bad at remembering prophecies that have been spoken over my life, and that's baddddd). But yesterday night's prayer meeting was just awesome! I got a word from God, and before I know it, Ai Wei was sharing the exact same picture. Was just shaking so badly after that, and couldn't even pray properly. But it was soooo cool! To have someone confirming something that you hear =)

I believe that obedience is the key to hearing from God. Just like what Ps Mike said, if you think God is silent, He probably is, if you have something in your life that is not totally devoted to Him yet. I have always been convicted over and over again to re-examine my life - knowing the potential that God has put within me, I am determined to see it unleashed for His glory, and I know I won't be able to do so if I am not being obedient to His word. If you want amazing things to happen and you've tried hearing from Him and yet can't see anything breaking through, look carefully at your life again.

I am finishing Courageous Leadership, and I just learnt something very interesting in the last chapter about a leader's pathway, will share it on my next entry! =)

"God, make me like Esther in the bible, grant me the courage and determination to do Your will"

Excellence in Giving

2006-07-18T14:43:00.000-07:00

I clearly remember how almost everybody responded to Helen Gwyn's message, we all walked up to the altar after the prayer, holding our cash, and "pink forms" to write down the amount that we've pledged, that was one of the most challenging message I've heard on giving / offering. She suggested something very practical - write down at the back of your journal what you've blessed other people with and what God has blessed you in return (so there'll be two arrows, one coming in, and one going out).

So I started doing that, I divided mine into months, and see how God works. I've done this for 2 months, and began to see God's blessings upon my life. I don't record it for the sake of wanting to have more arrows coming in than going out, because I believe that God has blessed us to be a blessing. And I don't expect to have more arrows coming in when I am giving out more. Coz all I have belong to my Heavenly Father, and although it'll be good if He gave me something, it's alright too if I don't get anything in return, coz I believe He tests the sincerity of our hearts. And if we’re giving more purely just so that we can get more in return, that’ll be the wrong motive in giving.

I am not talking about tithing, I am talking about offerings, and not just offering in church, but sowing into the lives of other people during our everyday life as well. I've never been more sensitive to the Holy Spirit in this area, and probably never been more obedient (of course, will discuss it with Las if it is a huge amount, and see what he thinks, although I haven't actually come across something extraordinary yet =P).

So recently, I realised that I haven't been writing a lot at the back of my journal, so I was like 'oo, I haven't been a blessing in a while' (even though there were still arrows coming in, there weren't a lot of arrows going out). So I thought I want to buy some chocolates and cards to bless some people in my lives (to keep in contact as well, coz some of them I don't really see that often). So I made another conscious decision to listen to what God has to say and the people He has put in my heart to reach out to. And I went home...

I think the steps outside my door is a 'magic spot' =P So just after I did all my mini-shopping, I found on the doorstep was a gift wrapped up in shiny dark blue paper. "To: Jessica Chua" was written on it, I was overwhelmed by this because I've just been thinking about sowing into other people's lives.

Opening it and holding it in my hands, it was a Life Application Study Bible (NLT version), one that I have been wanting to buy for a longgggggg time. Las and Jenn were with me, and in my head I was just thinking "God...You're indescribable". I thank God for putting me here in Dunedin in the midst of this awesome bunch of people that I can do life together with =) And God has used each and everyone of them to be such a huge blessing in my life! =)

Thank you to my friends for your words of encouragement, hugs, cards, notes, books, emails, flowers, texts, gifts; above all that, thank you for your friendships =) I am privileged to be running this race together with you all =)

But just as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us — see that you also excel in this grace of giving – 2 Corinthians 8:7

The Art of Self Leadership

2006-07-15T01:09:00.000-07:00

Was just reading chapter 9 of Courageous Leadership and it was talking about self-leadership. Like I've said in the previous posts about how I am constantly challenged and reminded of the importance of leading yourself first before you can lead other people. But that's as far as I've thought about it, because my concept is just you can't lead people to places that you've never been before. Gosh, but after reading that chapter, there's so much more to what I think I know, and self-leadership is an art that all leaders should definitely learn.

One of the things that hit me the most was probably when he was talking about keeping a sustainable pace. I've always prayed for God to grant me the wisdom so that I will be able to know what are the things that I can do for Him effectively and what are the things that others can do better. I've also prayed for my fellow leaders that God will grant them wise time-management so that they will not burn themselves out.

I've seen too many people getting themselves involved in too many things and in the end, they get so emotionally tired and are not giving out their best. I think the book reminded me of a very good point - that this whole pace problem thing is our own making. If you want to find the bad guy, just look in a mirror. It is our responsibility to devise a sustainability plan and stick to it everyday. When we are on the edge of breaking down, we can't say "Why aren't my friends rescuing me? Can't they see that I'm burnt out?"

"We've got to let go of the illustration that there's someone "out there" who ought to be rescuing you. Establishing a sustainable pace for your life is nobody's job but yours. So do it. Your life, you ministry, your marriage, your family - they all depend on it"

Self-leadership speaks to me a lot because it challenges me to step it up a notch in my walk with my Father. It reminds me that in the midst of trying to do God’s work, I am not hindering what God is trying to do in me.

I pray for each and everyone of us, that God gives us the strength, courage and determination to be the best that we can be for Him; that when we are weak, He keeps us strong.

"North, south, east and west - a leader must learn to lead in all these directions. But it doesn't matter how many points you manage to hit around the compass if you aren't strong in the middle" - Bill Hybels in Courageous Leadership

I am so psyched about outreach night!! =) It’s going to be goooood, no…great! No…it’s going to be awesome!! Oo oo, no…it’s going to be life-changing!

Sore throat =(

2006-07-11T15:53:00.000-07:00

Some of you will know how sensitive my throat is coz I need to drink certain drinks after eating certain stuff (like drinking hot tea after meals, not that I am fussy >.<). Jenn and Las will know how often I get sore throat, coz it always comes at least once every 2 months...and this morning, it came! Arrghhh... it's not only the sore throat, my head is dizzy and I feel generally unwell - what a way to start the new semester =( Kinda lost all my energy to do anything, just want to wrap myself in my blanket and sleep early tonight...

It always amazes me to see people...to see them going through the ups and downs in life, to see them getting connected to different people, to see them jumping from one group of friends to another, to see them laugh and cry, to see them struggling and becoming stronger...basically, to see them going through life.

I always wonder what drives people, what is the one thing that they hold onto, and what made them stand up every time they fall. And I talked to Las about it during lunch, and we were both just thinking about what keeps us going everytime (and it's funny how everytime we never actually come to an answer =P).

I remember when things were rough for me, when visions get blurred and I really don't know where I am heading, I just kept walking, trusting that God won't let me walk the wrong path. Now, with where I am today, I am amazed at the blessings that God has poured over my life. Looking back, I really don't deserve what I've received. And then I realised what keeps me going..it's His unconditional love.

When things are tough and I start to put Him aside, step by step, I start going off the tangent; little by little, I start neglecting and ignoring His words - but... He never left me. He just kept on making His presence known, and using my environment to make me realise that He is a good God. And it's this unconditional love for me that makes me wanna finish the good race even more...

But one thing I know for sure, knowing it and experiencing it inside your heart are two totally different things - the former will keep you going (may be aimlessly), but the latter will make you run with a focus in mind, and that is to glorify His name.

Our spiritual walks are filled with seasons, ups and downs, that's the reality of life. But I refuse to believe that we can do nothing about it, coz in the end, it all depends on us to have the desire to change for the better. Especially for leaders, I am constantly being reminded and challenged to jerk myself out from the low/dry seasons as fast as possible because I know I cannot lead anyone if I can't lead myself.

So as I ponder (for my next blog entry =P)...what role am I playing now? A spectator that watches people walk in and out of my life and try to stay out of their business (I always do that =P)? Or am I supposed to be doing something more? What can I do anyway? How do you let them know that you know what they're going through and encourage them to keep on fighting the good fight? Will it make a difference?

Time for lecture now...ECON306, here I come!

Sore throat is still there...Difflam throat spray =P Pray the sore throat will be gone tomorrow!~

Time for everything

2006-07-08T22:40:00.000-07:00

Without realising it, holidays are coming to an end =( Time really does fly, doesn't it? But it's been a great 3 week, not so much of relaxing and free time, but I'd rather my holidays to be filled with great company and friendships than just sleeping and waking up late everyday =P (tho I do miss the waking up late part, just a tiny bit =P).

I am so glad that I get to spend more time with my old/new friends and know them better as well. Even though many nights ended at around 1a.m., it was still worth it =) Playing mafia was definitely one of the many highlights - you'll never know what reasons people can give you just to convince you that they're innocent, and the looks on their faces, you really can't tell whether they're telling the truth or not (with the exception of some of my female friends, you know who you are =P).

Going to Bersatu Games was interesting too =D Hehe...watching Las winning the gold for singles' men match made the whole experience all the more worthwhile =D (the mixture of nerves and excitement made sitting in the cold, cold, cold gym not so torturing) Besides, there were many Las' supporters who accompanied me...some of whom (that shouted at every single smash and even during warm-ups) made him confused (or embarassed =P) Haha..but Chewy is still our huni-buni! He always brightens up the day =)

The closing ceremony was longgggg... but watching Las get cheered on by the Otago team when he received his gold made me feel so proud of him =D Not only because of the fact that he won the game, but that man displays the highest level of sportsmanship that I’ve ever known. I’ve known a lot of people who gets so frustrated during a game, and I have no idea how he can still smile during a match, and making sure his opponents are okay after the match >.< A game well played, Las! =)

As the holidays draw to an end, I’m looking forward to second semester! =) I thank God for His mercy and grace for my first semester, and the opportunity to serve Him and His people. I thank Him for the courage and strength that He has granted me when I felt discouraged and too burnt out to go on. I thank Him for putting people in my lives that offer real support and words of encouragement when I needed the most.

I know that the coming semester will be just as great, if not better than the first one! Tough times will definitely come, and struggles will definitely be inevitable. But I will ‘forget what is behind and strain towards what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus’ (Philippians 3:13-14).

Here we go!

Leaders are at their best when they are raising leaders around them. Leaders are at their best when they are creating a leadership culture – Bill Hybels in Courageous Leadership

Holidays~

2006-06-30T23:23:00.000-07:00

I love holidays (who doesn't? =P) coz it is a time when I can really get away from my books and assignments, and spend more time with God and friends =D The past week has been amazing and very exciting! It reminds me of what Las said the other day - this is the same feeling of excitement that we had 2 years ago when we first joined a lifegroup and we've never felt like that before ever since! I believe that God is working among us here in Dunedin today, and I can't wait till things kick start again in the second semester! =D Leaders' team is finally shaping up, and I know that we're definitely going somewhere! =)

Reading Courageous Leadership has been awesome! As suggested by Vince, I am writing down all the things that speak to me so that I will be able to digest it properly and remember it =P Knowing how bad my memory is, I am genuinely surprised at my ability to reproduce and communicate what I read =)

Courageous Leadership is very close to my heart because of how this book came into my life and how I believe that God is the midst of it. Sitting at Starbucks (with a hot cup of mocha and pizza scone =P), tears can actually well up in my eyes when reading it >.<

This book has stirred my interest to equip and expand myself, not just in the leadership area, as well as other areas too. That means that I'll have to read more =P But what Chewy said is true, can't possibly just sit down and spend the rest of your life reading, sometimes it comes with experience. That's so true, coz I know if none of the things that I've read is put into practice, it is truly a waste.

Besides Bill Hybels, I've also been listening to Christine Caine (director of Equip and Empower Ministry in Hillsong Australia). Her messages have always been very challenging, and they really put things into perspective (e.g. truth v facts - sometimes God works in so funny ways, coz what she said really linked to what we've been talking about during the loooonggggg interesting late night discussions =P)

Seeing the people around me getting motivated and focused again warms my heart =) It acts as a fuel to myself to run the race with all my might, and keep me focused on the purpose that God has for me.

I'm more determined than ever to open up my heart to be changed by His word, to lead diligently, to serve, to make my life count and to strive for the vision - they say think BIG, coz then you'll need God to make it come true.

"Gift of leadership is the catalytic gift that energizes, directs, and empowers all the other gifts" - Bill Hybels in Courageous Leadership

Blessed

2006-06-22T06:32:00.000-07:00

I really don't think life can get any better than this =) With exams all done and dealt with, now I am just soaked in the peace of the day, and filled with the joy of the Lord! =D

Exams ended on Tuesday, 20th June 2006, which means it was the day of Las’ and my first year anniversary =) He surprised me by arranging Christmas lighting along both sides of the staircase all the way to my room when I got back from exam and my whole room was filled with candles forming a path to my bed, and on top of it was a bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates and a hand-made card =) As I am easily touched (=P), got teary after seeing all the effort that he has put in. Las, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. It was definitely a day that I’ll never forget =D and thanks to Jenn for helping him out with the preparation =P

And this morning when I came back from Josh’s house (we had sleepover at his place and we played mafia! =P Sorry Ange, for exposing your identity…hehe… I shouldn’t take advantage of your weakness next time eh? =P), there was this bouquet of flowers (well, Las noticed it >.<) lying outside my door step and it was from an anonymous person. Luckily there was a card (I think the florist might’ve written the card, coz it spelt my surname 'Chya' =P), and it reads:

“Thanks for serving the church, we love you”

Holding the bouquet of flowers, staring at it, not believing what I’m holding, filled with gratitude, it almost made me cry (now I can confirm that I am easily touched =P). Had been trying to find out who is it from but just can’t figure out who will do such a sweet thing anonymously. It just warms my heart to know that people appreciates the things that I do, and this gesture, though simple, but gosh…that bouquet of flowers just does something to my heart.

So for those of you who are serving in your ministry, people do notice the effort and time that you’ve sacrificed, so keep pushing on! They're just not-so-good at expressing it =P But like we always say, God sees our heart, and we shouldn’t worry about what others think, but you just never know what a word of encouragement or a token of appreciation can do to the person today! So if there’s anyone that you’d like to bless, do it today! =) Because 'a spark of encouragement can rekindle warmth in the heart'...

I am just reminded over and over again at the goodness of God, and His faithfulness throughout the last few days. He has blessed me, really, in ways that just makes me wanna hug Him back =) An amazing loving family, a forever-so-encouraging, man-of-God, and wonderful boyfriend, a group of leaders that are passionate about building His kingdom and serving His people, lifegroup members that bring smiles and laughter to my days, and friends that encourage, challenge and shape me to where I am today. To you all, I am forever grateful =)

Lying next to me on my bed now is the one thing that I’ve been wanting to lay hands on – finally, it’s here – Courageous Leadership. I know I will be embarking on a mind-challenging and life-altering journey from the first page on.

Holy Spirit, we shall start…

Vivos

2006-06-15T20:58:00.000-07:00

Was just telling Alastair that I had nothing to blog about, and he asked me to blog about Labour Law (which is my next paper by the way). So decided not to post up any entry until I was looking through people's blogs (I was "taking a break" - Esther (Ji)'s style!!) and accidentally came across Robyn's blog (one of the girls in my G12 - HI ROBYN!!! *waves*). Hope she doesn't mind me intruding her blog =P

This is what she wrote (I am only copying about 10% of what she wrote, so please please don't sue me for breach of copyright >.<):

"...every saturday night i sit with a very special group of people for an hour or two and we talk. every saturday i am reminded of how blessed i am and i can see, more each week, how awsome our God is. every saturday i am filled with gratitude to our amazing God who let my path cross with all these peoples'. sometimes happiness fills me up so full that i just wanna burst out laughing or cry tears of joy. i feel like giving each and everyone a big hug, tell them how glad i am to know them and that i want everyone to feel the same joy that i am feeling..."

That made my eyes want to cry and my heart skipped a beat...suddenly my thoughts were on my beloved Vivos... =)

Each and every single one of them has their own strengths, talents and gifts but one thing that they share among them is their unending laughters. Their excitement is so contagious! Whenever we have discussions, and they will end up talking about all the nonsense in the world (laughing from ‘doing unfinished business’ to ‘using glasses to see far things’) =P Their joyous spirit and their smiles, it warms my heart to see all these young girls so connected with one another, and so committed to make their lives count for God.

Every Saturday I look forward to seeing all of them (Vivos and Zoe) at church, I look forward to the worship together, I look forward to the discussions. I look forward to see how God is going to use them to impart something on me. From the sharing which usually takes up 1++ hour (until the guys freeze themselves in the cold – hehe.. we get to have the warmer room, promise next time we can swap!) to the games that make me laugh until my tummy hurts, I’ve gotten to know each one of them better, from the worry-less, care-free to the more serious sides of them.

I can clearly remember our last meeting where all these young ones just sat on the floor and me being the ‘older’ one need a chair, and they looked so attentive when I was talking and just digesting every single word that I’ve said. They’ve created an atmosphere where I can freely share and knowing full well that they’re all in it with me, and that I don’t have to conquer all these alone. Seeing them wanting to make a difference, even in the small things, comforts me and I know full well they can be trusted with the bigger things if they’re faithful to the small =)

I love them to bits and I am so excited about what God has in store for all of us individually and as a group too =) I pray that God will continue to keep us strong through the ups and downs, because I know trying times will come, and it will not all be rosy and nice. But I know if there’s anything that doesn’t change, it’s God among us. One that remains the same yesterday, today and tomorrow will be Jesus Christ our Lord. Feelings or emotions may come and go, but strong family tie in Christ is not easily broken.

My G12 – you ROCK! =) *group hug*

I can't find a picture with only girls in it, but this is one of the pictures that Vivos-Zoe took in my flat:

Do boys get it?

2006-06-14T23:35:00.000-07:00

I’m halfway there! 2 papers down, 2 more to go…the one that I had this afternoon was quite crappy coz I got nervous and went mind-blank >.< Tempted to feel horrible and throw a tantrum, but was reminded about Ps Mike on the joy of the Lord being our strength. And also on the story that he told about his son who said ‘you’ve ruined my whole life!’ when Ps Mike asked him to go to bed early that night. Such simple story, and yet so striking and meaningful – coz it really helped me to put things into perspective =)

So yeap, tomorrow morning, another one! And then will have a break until next Tuesday. People are all finishing exams, and leaving for home =( By the time I finished exams, I think most of them will be gone! Still don’t know what I am going to do during the holidays yet, will probably rest and rest and rest =P

Gather. Equip. Mobilise. Those were the three words that caught my attention when I was listening to Ps Bobbie Houston’s sermon on “Shaping the 21st Century Women’. Had been thinking about women’s ministry lately. I think the first thought that most of us have whenever we talk about women’s ministry will be – coffee, tea, biscuits >.< Well, at least that was what that came into my mind =P

I think now I understand why Cutting Edge have girls’ and boys’ group. I think mixed guy-girl group provides an environment (or atmosphere?) that is different to an all-guy or all-girl group – couple ministry should be encouraged, because it provides a place where a couple can grow spiritually together. But I also believe that girls should meet together and encourage each other in ways that aren’t possible in a mixed group. I am not sure whether sometimes boys really get what girls are all about. Probably they do, but how much?

Just like what Ps Bobbie Houston said, it’s not just about doing women ministry, it’s about the 52% of the world’s population. 52% of the world needs encouragement, they need TLC (tender loving care), they need mentoring, they need someone to believe in them.

We are all part of His army, we are serious about building His kingdom and making a difference, we want to stand up and be counted. We want to be the ‘helper’ as someone that comes along side, as someone that fills the gap. But where do we start? That’s my question. Where do I start?

What does it mean to be a woman who chases after God’s heart? What does it mean to be a woman that truly is captivating?

I wanna start by this:

Proverbs 31:25-26: She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instructions is on her tongue.

Time to read Captivating again… =)

To me, there's nothing more beautiful on this earth than a woman who fears the Lord.

Confrontation

2006-06-10T00:20:00.000-07:00

Eee...need to destress =P

The title was just a thought that came into my head, and so decided to write on it =) Did I ever tell you? I hate confrontations!! >.< I hate it when I need to have "the talk" with someone (hmm..did Ben say that to me before? I think so...sounds familiar =P), especially someone that is close, but not too close =P

Just a few days ago, someone commented that I am "soft and gentle" and I am not tough enough to scold people. Well, ahem..to clarify that, I am soft (well, girls are meant to be gentler than guys right?) in the way that I believe in giving chances and I believe in seeing the best in people. But I am certainly not a "door-mat" coz I know that I don't let people push me around without making my own mind up >.<

God knows that I hate confrontations, that's why I was just telling Las, in the midst of all of this, the person that will get "shaped" the most will be me, coz He's trying to teach me something. So I've summarised...well, not completely, but some of my principles in this matter (and I know that I'll learn something new again in the time to come):

I believe in loving people (not the touchy-mushy, candy floss love, but the love described in 1 Corinthians 13 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres)

After my first principle, I realise that I have said it all - and all my other principles are just derived from my first:

I believe in showing compassion (seeing people through Christ-like eyes), if one's angry, hold it till the next time
I believe in speaking words that encourage or build people up (if not, one might as well not say anything at all!)
I believe in finding out the truth about a situation (hence, I won't listen to one side and not the other)
I don't believe in public humiliation, I believe in correcting people in private
I don't believe in bombarding people with commands, I believe in building relationship and trust
I don't believe that one has the authority to speak into everybody's lives (I believe in keeping the boundaries)

I can continue for a long time I think, but I'll stop coz I know that deep down, 1 Corinthians 13 sums it all up. I remember I asked Ange one day 3 (or 4) years ago (in my early Christian days):

Jess: So what's the one verse in the bible that you hold very closely to? Like one that strikes you the most?

Ange: (I forgot what she said...but I'll remember to ask her next time!!) How bout yours?

Jess: Hmm...I think it has to be 1 Corinthians 13 where it talks about love, in fact any verse that has to do with love..

Ange: Yeah...afterall, love is the very foundation of Christianity anyway..

Can't really remember the exact words she said, but somewhere along those lines. And I don't consider myself a Christian back then! And yet, I knew the only difference that attracts people to us is the love that God has shown, and that love is made complete when we love one another (1 John 4:12).

Something from Daily Bread:

"A true friend will put a finger on your faults without rubbing them in"

Now that's God's speaking..

2006-06-08T13:45:00.001-07:00

Thought I'll give you all the final part of the story before I start burying my head into my books again =P

So after I posted the previous entry, I was on the phone talking to Las, telling him what happened. And in the middle of the conversation talking about something else..

Jess: *loud gasp*
Las: what?
Jess: oh my goodness!
Las: what?
Jess: probably when vince called me, he was standing inside Manna looking at the book and thought of getting me one!
Las: (probably sensing how self-absorbed I am =P) hmmm...probably..

He had to go to sleep after that coz he has an early start today. So I was just flipping through my Economics book, studying about Games Theory. But couldn't get rid of the thought..so decided to give Vince a text - asking him whether he thinks I should read the book or does he want to borrow it. A few minutes later, he called:

Jess: did you get my text?
Vince: yeap
Jess: so did you wanna borrow it?
Vince: no..i was gonna get a copy for you
Jess: *burst into teary laughter*

So I told him what my other friend said...

Vince: oh my goodness! when I first read the book, the first person that I thought of is you! It's such a powerful book and I just think that I want to bless you with the book! Hence I want to make sure that you don't have the book first. It's such a powerful book, and I know it'll build you up as a leader. But the book was out of stock, so I've put an order in already, just wait for it..in the mean time, study hard!! (or something along those lines =P)

God really works in amazing way... I am blessed with so many of His children around me, just can't stop but being thankful to what He has done. Thanks Vince, for your serving and honouring heart (don't think he'll read this, but just wanna express my gratitude!) - I am very excited too!!

So I spent the last part of my night trying to study and still thinking about this...don't know how much of Game Theory stuff went into my head >.< But now I know I need to concentrate on my studies, and this was confirmed by Vince's last text of the night:

P/S: I think the book was out of stock because God wants you to study first =)

Isn't God wonderful? =) So now a new day, a new beginning - and I am determined to make this day count!

Romans 12:9-10 - Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil, cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honour one another above yourselves.

Coincidence?

2006-06-08T00:18:00.000-07:00

Okay, just NEED to share this:

I was caught off-guard when Vince (King) called me this afternoon when I was studying, thought it was just my mum. So it was once in a blue moon thing that he'll call me (the fact that we don't talk on the phone plays an important role in my story =P), and the conversation goes on like this:

Vince: Jess, do you have a book called 'Courageous Leadership?'
Jess: No, the only leadership book that I have is 'Leadership 101' by John Maxwell
Vince: Oh, I know that
Jess: Why?
Vince: Coz that book was recommended by Pastor Mike to School of Leaders..

And the conversation goes on but nothing to do with what I'm about to share =P So okay, in my head, I think, probably should get this book, since it's recommended by Pastor Mike. But didn't think much about it after that...

*******

Had dinner, posted up my second entry. While studying, my friend (Matt) from Australia messaged me on MSN. We don't usually talk on MSN, in fact, I don't think I've talked to him at all this year >.<>

We ended the conversation after 10 minutes (coz our books are calling out to us!) and then he messaged me again after that:

Matt: oh, just another quick thought

Jess: yea? Matt: have you heard of Bill Hybels?

Jess: no..why?

Matt: he wrote a book called 'Courageous Leadership', it's a good read..

*stunned*

So two people in my life (that I don't usually have contact with) from different parts of the world, shared with me about this particular book on this particular day. So God, you want me to go to Manna now?

Vision and Passion

2006-06-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

I remember that during the beginning of the year, when I led the first meeting of my original lifegroup, we were talking about vision and resolution for the year. I also remember that I said something like "I am not a person with big picture, sometimes it's hard for me to come up with a vision, because I am more like taking everyday step by step, and other people can cast their vision and I'll seize it and I will work on it".

And John Maxwell was talking about casting visions as leaders too, and he said something along the lines of vision involves discovering your passion. What is my passion? Alastair was going to lead a bible study on discovering your passion, and he said I should do the same for my group. But I told him "how am I going to lead a session on passion when I don't even know what my passion is?"

So here I am pondering on this thought - what is my passion? How do I discover it? What fires up my soul (Jon will ask me what's my definition of soul but hehe..not going to have another mind-challenging conversation with him, makes me grow old nia >.<)? There's a saying that when something fires up your soul , impossibility vanish. That's how important passion is.

So I thought - okay, my passion. When I enter Manna bookstore, what do I look for? Which part of the store that catches my attention? I know whenever Las goes in, he'll either be listening to CDs / looking at books on worship / christian living etc (note to self: ask las what his passion is =P). And I find myself standing at the very back of the store, where it's all about relationships (not only boy-girl-relationship, but general relationship =P) and being a woman of God.

If you know me well enough, you'll know that I prefer leading all girls in a lifegroup, because I believe we can connect at a deeper level and we share more things in common. And suddenly it just boomed - may be that's my passion at this point in my life. May be my passion is to share my life with the women that God has put around me, and build each other up.

And that brought me back to what Liz Griffiths was talking about in church on Mother's Day. And you know what? I think her vision speaks volume, and her dream is what I share.

What women of Elim Christian Centre Dunedin should be like:

They love God, they love their husbands and children, they love their families and friends.
They have a sense of responsibility as Christian women in this city to make a mark for God.
They love having fun, laughing and enjoying life.
They hold personal integrity very high.
They speak truth, and don’t gossip.
They are successful in the eyes of God and man.

What do their lives look like, how do they spend their time?

They always have quality time with the Lord.
They are continually investing into their marriages with date nights, courses and couch time.
They provide a safe and happy home for their children, getting one-on-one with each child.
They are looking out for those around them that need a meal, babysitting, a voucher, a parcel, a cuppa, cake, or a hug and a chat.
They are investing into friendships around them, key people that mutually build each other up and encourage each other in the things of God.
They are addressing and overcoming at least one area of weakness in their life.
They are a group of friends that is secure and safe, providing the room for growing and overcoming, growing in God, and receiving discipleship.

(from www.dunedin.elim.org.nz)

As women of God, we have a role to play (and may I add, an irreplaceable role) in our circle of influence. Let us make a conscious decision every single day to be someone that brings love, someone that brings encouragement, and someone that brings hope to those around us =)

"The first person you lead is you"

And so it begins...

2006-06-06T23:50:00.000-07:00

With all this hype on blogging, decided to try setting up one myself and see whether how long it'll last >.<

Exams' just around the corner, my poor body got sick again =( It seems like it's been a trend that every exam period I'll be having flu / cough / sorethroat.

Study's been not-so-efficient, but I am glad that I am not doing nothing =P Coz I believe sowing into people and relationships will make much greater difference at the end of my life than 2 more hours of study >.<

A question that I've been asking myself: What does it mean to be a leader? What kind of leader do I want to be? I have still yet to come to a conclusion, all these conversations that I've had with people are giving me headaches =P Just amazes me on how different people can be >.<

John Maxwell puts it well: He who thinks he leads, but has no followers, is only taking a walk. Followers in voluntary organization cannot be forced to get on board. If the leader has no influence with them, then they won't follow.

Let's take it step by step, shall we, God? =)

I believe in loving people despite their flaws, I believe in seeing the best in all of us, I believe in potential within each one and we are all rough diamonds that need to be cut and polished. One day, my vision will be realised, that everyone will be united under love...one day, the vision will come true.